Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
