remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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