Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
