I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
