Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
