after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
