I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
