She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
