The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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