franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
