i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
