who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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