I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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