How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
