are you still at the devil's house?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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