I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
