if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
