Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
