3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
