My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize