I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
