Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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