Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
