I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
