I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's like iHOP with fire
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
