we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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