his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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