She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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