Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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