He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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