This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
