i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
In America we eat man semen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
