I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So squirting runs in the family.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
