I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
