i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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