Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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