You're so nebulous sometimes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
