After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize