is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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