Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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