These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
