I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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