No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
