I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
