Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
