A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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