well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My cat gives me a boner
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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