9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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