Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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