it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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