Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
