sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
