HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
