Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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