I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize