i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
