I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
