there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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