Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
