Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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