ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
