you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you would pick up someone in the library
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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