When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
