new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
