I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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