i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
vagina is talking i cant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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