if you like me you must not know who I am
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i will never coherently bang her
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
