I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
