I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
