I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
