i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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