She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
