Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
