About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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