just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
