At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
