I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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