Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
