I wannas sexs uuuuu
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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