I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
