I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
