I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
