I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
