so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
