I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sarcasm needs its own font
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
