So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
