Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
