Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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