p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
