Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
