I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize