I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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