hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
