Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
