Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
