You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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