I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
