dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
