matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
