My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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